[00:00:07] Speaker A: Hello there fellow humans. Thanks for tuning in today. I'm Jaska Jost and this is interview with you. Today not yet with you, today with Diamanta, an awesome lady handling gracefully the challenges of life as a single mother, you will learn whether she wants a man in her life. She will tell us about her tricks to deal with anxiety and how to keep positive attitude. We will talk about gratitude, share some precious unsolicited wisdom and loads of giggles to make sure that next time the interview is with you, get in touch with me to arrange it. The contact details are in the description of the podcast or in the description of the episode. Remember, it can be completely anonymous. And now let's go.
Good morning, Diamanta, thank you very much for coming. Welcome to my podcast.
I'm very grateful that you dedicate some of your time to share with us some of your life stories and of course your lovely energy.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: Hello.
Thank you for inviting me, it's my pleasure. I will just say a little bit about you. You are 43 and you are a single mom. I will start because this podcast is about relationships and the relationship experience of my precious guests. So I will ask you, which of your relationships has been on your mind recently?
[00:01:52] Speaker B: Well, the relationship with my child is always on my mind.
That's clear.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Okay, but is there anything specific that is there on your mind about your child that worries you?
[00:02:08] Speaker B: Or actually right now? My daughter, she's at age when she started to ask a lot about her father and how it is that other kids have dads and moms. And she brings theories such as, ah, I know now girls have moms and boys have dads. So I always stand at the position to explain how it is to be objective, just to say how it is not to create any stories around it. This at the moment takes some of my energy, how to be a mom who does not transmit any of patterns that I may have with men, and to actually to transmit the point that her father loves her even though he does not realize it, maybe at the moment. And also how to show her that being in a couple is also an option.
It's not only being single and it's actually like in my life, even though I don't live it at the moment, it would be a preferred option.
[00:03:19] Speaker A: Okay, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask a little bit about your daughter's father. Tell us what's the situation with him at the moment, I assume he is not dead, but as I understand, he is not really in the picture. So how did it come to that.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: He'S not in the picture, I would like him to be back in the picture. Recently I made some attempts to contact him and to tell him that he's missed by his daughter and that he's welcome to come and be in contact with us. However, there is no answer how this happened.
What happened? Well, my side of the story is that it happened with us not being able to find a solution to schedule how we meet.
Then he prefer not to meet at all. Okay. Like, when I say bluntly, if it was not his way, it was highway, but that's my side of the picture. Maybe you would hear something different from him.
[00:04:31] Speaker A: Yeah, that's probable or possible, for sure.
So tell us, how did you meet him?
[00:04:38] Speaker B: I met him when I was heartbroken and I met him on Tinder, so I wanted some wound healing, but I was not able at the moment to provide for myself. So this is how we met. Since the beginning, there was a part of me that was attracted to him, and then there was a part that knew that it's not going to work well, and I'm beauty of this part. But the part started speaking louder and louder, especially when I got pregnant.
[00:05:15] Speaker A: So when you were pregnant, the part that was telling you that you actually don't want to be with him was speaking louder and louder. Was there a particular reason for that?
[00:05:28] Speaker B: Well, yes. Holly, I don't know how to do it, how to say it nicely. A woman who is in this position as I am, it's always very delicate to speak about the man, not only to the child of yours, who is also of his, but in general, I don't want to speak badly about him. But of course there is anger in me that I feel towards him. And yes, I admit I do blame him for many issues.
Feel free to blame him.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: You are among friends here. It's okay.
[00:06:02] Speaker B: Yes, I know. So if I. If I start from my side, I would say that at that moment when I was so heartbroken and there I was. So I came out, well, a bit internally damaged from the previous relationship and what I brought, and probably it started somewhere before, but I couldn't see at the moment was the idea that I'm responsible for the whole world, basically for the good of the whole world. And every duty in this world is my duty. And if I don't do it, I don't deserve to. Well. Well, to be honest, to even live like that's. That's. And if you have this setting in you, you basically attract people who don't like the responsibility and like, to put it all on you. And when you do get pregnant, then it becomes really difficult, this pattern, because then you realize you do need some support. You do need some, if not a rock, at least a chair back to lean against.
And now that somebody leans on you.
[00:07:04] Speaker A: So in this relationship, he. He had the tendency to lean on you. Yeah. Even though you were pregnant?
[00:07:12] Speaker B: Big time. Big time, big time.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: Well, I'm team you on this. He is a bit of a. If this is his approach, but. Okay, that's.
We are not here to blame anybody. I'm sure that he has had his issues that lead him to this kind of behavior.
[00:07:30] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:07:31] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. We all do. So let's. Let's let the steam off.
[00:07:35] Speaker B: It's.
[00:07:36] Speaker A: It's fine. But he has his own problems, that's for sure.
[00:07:40] Speaker B: And I live my. My own consequences of my own actions. That's. That's clear.
[00:07:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. True, true. Your child is not a consequence of rape, so that's.
Sure. And I think it's great that you are aware of this. And, um, so what exactly do you tell your daughter now about him?
[00:08:03] Speaker B: Well, she is little enough that she is not able to ask in detail. So when she asks, it's usually questions like, where is he? So I tell her where he is, where he lives. If she asks whether he would come and visit us, I say, I don't know. I text him. But so far, we did not receive any answer. And then I usually add something that I know that he loves her and that he thinks about her, but right now, he is not able to come to us or something like that because I don't know if it's correct or not. That's something what I just add, because I don't want my daughter to think that she is abandoned.
[00:08:48] Speaker A: Who knows what is right or wrong or correct in this kind of thing?
It's complex.
[00:08:54] Speaker B: But.
[00:08:54] Speaker A: But I mean, as I hear you, you at least are open to hear and admit that there's always two sides of every story, and I think that that's fair enough for him. And also, it's very good that, you know, like many. I think many people cannot help themselves and then sort of really throw dirt on the other parent in front of the kids. And I think this is really.
It's hard, and it's not good for the kids at all.
[00:09:27] Speaker B: Well, I don't want that. And I also went through it myself as a child or as a. Well, maybe not a little child, but as a child of parents who would do this. So it's not pleasant. Because then you are totally split inside. One half of you hates the other half of you. So both parts are to be hated. So you're basically to be hated.
And then. And then. No, no. There is not enough therapy sessions to. To find yourself and your awareness of yourself and your. Your liberty, even to find it back. Because then you always belong to somebody's hate.
[00:10:08] Speaker A: Let's brighten things up a little bit. Can you tell me about what was the, like, the brightest moment of your life?
[00:10:15] Speaker B: First of all, I would like to say that I. I actually think that my life is quite bright as it is. I do have my downs, but I know that I have my ups. And that's super nice. They're really like small, silly things that you come back in your memory that make you feel lighter, maybe, and brighter. Like when you.
Recently I saw a picture. I was thinking about something totally different and I saw a picture. And now you probably laugh at me, but it's true. It happened.
I saw a picture of a woman. Just a pic. Like it was a picture in a WhatsApp call. It was just her picture that she put there. And as I was thinking about something totally else, I could see somehow all the love in her eyes and her smile. And I just couldn't. Like, at that moment felt such a bliss that I could feel like a nice connection. Not to her specifically, but I believed in all good in the world. I don't know how to say it. And often I come to this moment because it maybe took not even a second, but it was so powerful. Like I felt the love of the world. I did.
[00:11:39] Speaker A: And you say, I will laugh at you, but I will not laugh at you because I find it very touching and very important. I will tell you a story that you will laugh at, maybe. But I had a similar experience because I also want to now talk a little bit about gratitude. And I have, like, because I've been practicing gratitude and I will get back to this later. But there was a moment, you know, during one weekend, when I asked my son, one of my sons, I asked him, can you please close the door to the terrace? And then he did. And I.
When I'm talking about it now, I want to cry. Okay, so excuse me a little bit. But this moment was like great, like, revelation to me. At this moment I realized I have a son that, you know, can do things for me. I have a house with the terrace. How bloody blessed am I? I felt such like. It was like a slap in the face or the whole body in the heart.
[00:12:40] Speaker B: Of gratitude.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: Like, it's just fantastic. And for that one moment, he even did what I asked him for. So, you know, wow.
You know, as a mother, you understand, sometimes this is like, if you have this once per day, it's a great achievement. So I was like, wow.
So. And I want to talk a little bit about the gratitude because, you know, we as humans, we are very much wired to see the negative. And I mean, it's natural. And most of the time it's helpful because, you know, if you don't see problems, you know, or you don't see danger, which I perceived as negative, right, you die. If it was like a couple of hundreds of years ago, if you did not worry about things, you end up in the ditch. It's our nature and it has a purpose. But I think that nowadays we kind of worry about things which we don't necessarily need to worry about, like what people think about us or, you know, whatever, like strangers. I mean, in a way, this is also important. If, you know, your clan kind of dismisses you and thinks you are crazy, you also want to belong. So this is also not so strange to be accepted. But I think that sometimes we strive to be accepted by people that we don't really care about. So I started doing this gratitude exercise and I found it super helpful and I dare say even life changing, or at least it was for me.
So what is it about? It's about like, did you date the things that you are grateful for that are in your life? Like, you know, Terra's door, for example, for me.
And then things that you are grateful for about yourself and for example, about your professional life and stuff like that. And if you repeat these things every day, it really has such an impact, you know? That's great. So tell me, diamanta, what things are you grateful for about yourself? The thing that comes to mind. And you should do something else every day, you know, like, what is so great about you that you're so grateful that you are the way you are about myself?
Yes, yourself. Yourself.
[00:15:01] Speaker B: First to me came kindness, but I'll come back to it. Then courage. I like my courage. And then with the kindness, I'm grateful that I have it in my heart that it's part of me and I'm going to practice it more on myself.
But I started already, so I actually see it, so that's good. But with your practice of gratitude, it reminded me, like, what I do recently, and it works for me. Well, I used to have this night anxieties that I would get up early, or I would wake up in the morning, and then I would go in a spiral into these thoughts. And then at the end, I would have to get up from bed to get rid of it. Like, to go and make myself a coffee or something, just to get rid of it, because I couldn't otherwise. And now what I do is that I don't get out of the bed until I regulate myself into a good feeling, whatever it may feel, it may be.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: So.
[00:16:06] Speaker B: So I just lie down. If. If I cannot find a nice thought, I just go and check on my body and feel how my legs are touching the mattress, and so on and so on. And then if nothing works, then I. Then I remind myself of this picture of this. Of this lady. But I felt that, no, it works. It works. Like, when I remember this, I feel love. I know that there is my daughter next to me. I can always turn to her and feel it. But this was something. It's natural that you feel love to your child and it doesn't surprise you, but this was such an, as you said, a slap in the face that it exists, that it's there, that it's available always, and doesn't need to be conditioned by that. You love, actually, your own blood, like your children and so on.
So that's super. And it happened to me, I don't know, some weeks ago, that I again got up from bed, like, running from bed, running from the thoughts. And then I forced myself to go back to bed to do this exercise.
[00:17:19] Speaker A: I have two thoughts about this. I really need to see the lady. She saw. I want to see the picture because it's really. I mean, yeah, I get it.
Awesome. For sure. But.
[00:17:32] Speaker B: But you know. But you know what? I tell you, a point of my over kindness to myself is. And not. It's nothing to do with something that I wouldn't trust you or anything. I will not show you. Because I can imagine that I would be able to see some kind of judgment in you. Because normally, like, I don't mean any bad judgment. And I don't want that. This is mine.
[00:17:54] Speaker A: I agree. I'm very happy to hear that you are extending up for yourself. That's great. But the second thing I wanted to say, it was a little bit of a joke that I need to see the lady because I think it was a similar experience that I had with our terra store. So it would not mean the same to me. Very probably.
[00:18:15] Speaker B: Or maybe. Maybe you think it's you.
[00:18:21] Speaker A: It's me.
Yeah, okay, that's me. But let's leave it at that, because I like that. But the second thing I wanted to say was, yeah, that. Love your exercise. I think it's really great how you came up with this. And it's not to say that if you're sad, you cannot say, oh, I'm sad. And I feel like I don't want to get out of bed. It's also okay to feel sad, but I think that if at that moment say, I'm sad. But let's just think about one nice thing to help me through the day when I don't feel so great. That's. That's really fantastic exercise. I think that I might use that, especially when I'm pmsing there in the bed. Everything sucks.
[00:19:07] Speaker B: There's one more problem, is that when you're down, you, you have, like, very limited access to this kind of exercise. So it's good to put it somewhere down, which I never do. Like that you would have a little notebook where you can go, but I never do it. But there is one more thing, like trying to postpone the bad feeling. Like to say to yourself, like something comes to, I don't know. For me right now, it's that people are professionally developing in a field that I would like to professionally develop, but I'm not.
[00:19:39] Speaker A: So.
[00:19:40] Speaker B: So I feel jealous. So when this feeling comes, I postpone it. I say, okay, I'll have enough time for the bad feelings. Now I am frustration free. Now I have a frustration free moment, and I'll have time for the jealousy or any bad feelings if they want to come again.
[00:20:05] Speaker A: So how far do you postpone them, is the question. Because, you know, if you postpone too many feelings too far, it may end up like that. You know, one day they will all jump.
[00:20:18] Speaker B: No, no, they are not. Like I validate them. Like, I know that they are the. It's. Yes, I feel jealousy. I know that it's because I would like to be somewhere in the position where the people are. But I don't think that for this reason, and this reason is possible at this moment. But I don't want this to make me feel bad. Because only at this moment I can change something. And from feeling bad, I will not change anything. Nothing is going to happen from the position when I'm desperate or jealous is not going to help me to solve any jealousy. So. So what I can do is to feel good.
And at least if I don't have what I want to have, I can always have a good feeling about something else. Because what I do want is not actually this like, maybe this professional growth in the field, but I want what it brings to me, and I think that it will bring me happiness. So I want to find a moment of happiness somewhere else so that maybe from here I can go somewhere else. But I know that I will not get there from being jealous and so on. But we are talking, of course, about moments which are bearable.
Like, there are moments which are not bearable. So this is not any kind of advice for crisis situations, right? It's just for regular.
[00:21:48] Speaker A: Procrastination issues.
It's true that then there are some feelings, but I do something similar a little bit. But I think that everybody does, or everybody, I think should do. Like when you're in a situation when you, you shouldn't show your anger or like, in a way, like, for example, if you're at a meeting at work and some your boss is driving you nuts, it's not the place to really scream at her and tell her what you think. The same thing with the kids, you know, you don't want to be nasty and yell, you know, bad words or whatever at that moment. I find it helps. Like, yes, I am very angry and frustrated, but I save this feeling for later, like. But normally, like later today when, when there is a place for to, to let it out, so. Or to cry also. I mean, uh, yeah, I mean, there's nothing wrong with crying, but there are places where people would still judge you, like at meetings and stuff like that. At, you know, at the corporate level, you don't want to be crying there at the meeting because somebody said that your presentation sucks or something. So, yeah, what a relief it would.
[00:23:02] Speaker B: Be if you could, could freely express these kind of feelings. Like everybody says sometimes. So why not cry? Like, I'm not saying that go Yana and cry at the unit meeting, but I understand that.
[00:23:21] Speaker A: You understand that I want to.
[00:23:24] Speaker B: Yes. But how nice it would be if one could. And also how some emotions are more acceptable and some less. Like, you cannot cry. But some people don't have a problem with yelling at people. Like, just throwing all this anger. And in my opinion, it's much more accepted than showing sadness or insecurity.
[00:23:48] Speaker A: Like, now that you are saying it, I feel like from my point of view, okay, this is how I see it or how I've experienced it, it is a little bit like man and woman thing, I think, or I feel that, that when I am upset and angry, I tend to cry.
When my husband is upset, he wouldn't cry. He would shout. And I think exactly as you say. Let's say in the corporate or the work environment, it is much more acceptable for the guys to cry because they are upset. Not cry, but scream.
Basically, it's the same emotion. It's just that we as females, we express this differently, so we would cry with tears. This is not accepted or is like, you know, ridiculed. I think it's the same emotion. It's just that much more accepted when men do it. If I say that or the more typically male behavior is more accepted, even in women, I think, than crying. But yeah, I mean, okay, there's some truth to it. And for sure, we of course, try to teach our children differently. Yes.
[00:24:56] Speaker B: And especially do this with joy. My daughter like to be free in expressing joy like kids do. They go and run and jump and scream when they are joyful. Would you do this at work? You may find yourself much more accepted. It is when you go and complain and bleh, bleh.
[00:25:19] Speaker C: And if you can just. Wow.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:25:21] Speaker C: I'm so happy, this one.
[00:25:23] Speaker B: So, well, hardly anyone does it ever. She didn't feel good.
You need to be angry, busy, very busy, not having enough time and preferably complain about everything around you.
[00:25:40] Speaker A: That's a good observation. It's been sad, but it brings us back to the gratitude exercise because I wanted to say one more thing, because you said it's not always easy to do your exercise. Like when you are really sad and stuff, it's hard to get back to it. And this is where I think, you know, making it a habit helps. So if you do it really every day, the first thing, you open your eyes, whether you feel bad or not, when you wake up and you open your eyes, and even if you feel fine, then it will be easy. You will just think about one thing that makes you happy and makes you proud. Or be it about yourself or in your life, that you have the terrace door or the beautiful picture or your daughter snoring next to you or kicking you as my son does. So I think that this, and this is science, this helps. Like, if you make it a regular habit, then it's much more easy to maintain it in a situation which normally much more difficult.
[00:26:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:45] Speaker A: It's more accessible.
[00:26:46] Speaker B: You know what to do. There is like a path.
[00:26:49] Speaker A: Yes, exactly. It's like they all always compare it to brushing your teeth. You don't think about it. I mean, and if you don't do it, you feel bad. You know, like there are things in your life you don't think about. You just do them. And if you and these are the habits. Yeah. When you were a baby, you didn't brush your teeth. You didn't have the habit. You had to develop it. And it's a way to do it, and it's really great.
[00:27:13] Speaker B: It helps.
What I feel is really that I need to work on this. Like, thank you for saying this, because what I want to create is, like, this habit of thoughts that I have, because I often catch my going in. Thoughts that I, like, don't want to think. It's not my choice. It's just, like, I think about one bad thing and it leads to another bad thing, and then I'm already plotting, or I have fantasies about people plotting against me, and then I imagine what I would do and say to them. Totally paranoid. And then I meet this friend, and I go, oh, hello, how are you? And because.
And it's not. Not being honest. It's just there's one impulse that maybe makes me mad or sad, and I grow out of it. A big, big, big thing that doesn't exist. So I would like to take this capacity that I have and use it in good things, that there is a good thing.
[00:28:17] Speaker A: And I grow a big, big, big.
[00:28:19] Speaker B: Think about it. And I catch myself that, like, if it's bad, the thoughts, they just come easily and they flow. Da da da da da. And they earn intensity and so on. And when it's a good thing, I have to try hard. It is a word.
[00:28:37] Speaker A: And we are kind of back at what I said earlier.
Do not beat yourself up. I believe that, in a way, it's really natural and in many ways, also helpful to think about things that are potentially bad. You know, sometimes people are plotting against you.
[00:28:54] Speaker B: It's also good to keep.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: Not to make you more paranoid, but, you know, it can happen. And it's also good to be still aware of. Yeah. There are not only good things in the world and good people. Just about the balance. But I just want to say, don't beat yourself up. It's natural. You are just acting naturally. You are on the way to train. But I want to say something, because before we had the call, I drew a card. You know, like, inspiration, some wisdom. And you know what it says? It's the gardener. Every thought is a powerful seed.
[00:29:34] Speaker B: Voila.
[00:29:36] Speaker A: Isn't it what you just said? Isn't it amazing? So. But I have another question, which is waiting for you. Um, so we asked about the brightest moment of your life.
[00:29:48] Speaker B: So now it will be the darkest.
[00:29:51] Speaker A: Exactly.
If I ask, darkest time of your life, what comes to mind?
[00:29:59] Speaker B: Uh, happily enough, nothing.
[00:30:01] Speaker A: Nothing?
[00:30:02] Speaker B: Yes, nothing. I like the card that you drew and I would like to stick with it. I can go in the dark side, like, dark is my shade.
[00:30:17] Speaker A: Okay? That's fine. I mean, of course we don't want to artificially search for dark times. It's great that you don't think of any. And then just my next question would be which of your features you think helped you through the dark times. But I, you know, I see that. In fact, what I see now after you said is that, in fact, that you have a great ability to see things in a positive way and to learn from experience and not to say, ah, this shouldn't have happened. And then now, well, I've been there.
[00:30:54] Speaker B: And from time to time, I am there. It's just like right now at this moment, I'm enjoying speaking to you and all is fine. But there is a moment I can send a recording to you about how I feel at it at certain moments.
You can edit too.
[00:31:17] Speaker A: Sure. This is also normal that we don't feel always on the cloud.
[00:31:21] Speaker B: Good.
[00:31:22] Speaker A: To have means to deal with it or also to accept it. I read somewhere when the sadness comes, or I've seen a cool movie recently. I don't know if you saw inside out. It's a kids movie and it's brilliant. You should see it because it explains, like in a very simple, you know. And it's absolutely correct how the mind works, you know, and it's about that. Yeah. Many people want to avoid sadness, but in fact, the sadness is very important. I mean, if you do not. If you never feel sad, you basically never feel happy either. Because, you know, if you don't feel sad, you cannot appreciate the happy moments. And. And also when you're sad, your friends are there for you. And if you weren't sad, you know, you could. You could also not see.
[00:32:10] Speaker B: Unless the last. Unless you are sad. If you don't have any friends, the.
[00:32:16] Speaker A: Eskimos say, you never know who is your friend until the ice breaks under you.
Which I think, I mean, I've had the recent experiences where I really seen that and I'm crying again. It's ridiculous. Wait, like, I've seen that. I'm so very happy and grateful for some of the friends that I have, you know? And this is like, yeah, when you sad or when you're down, it's not nice, but it does bring you a lot of things. It's true. Clarity. Clarity, yeah, clarity. And that you have things which really should be grateful for.
[00:32:54] Speaker B: So, yeah, it's difficult to see it at the moment, but. But what I, like, I didn't want to say, like to suppress any of the feelings. It's. It's not. I wouldn't like that to be the message. I accept sadness, but it's just that you work with what you have at the moment. Like you don't need to call feelings that are not present at the moment, especially those that are a little bit difficult because then it's always a decision. I have a big capacity of going from being very happy, finding faults in it and flaws in it and going totally down. And then I have to decide that I'm not going to do this. There is also this decision part and it has to do with some self conscious and consciousness and like awareness of you want and feeling of responsibility as well. That you accept that it's you who rule your own life, that it's not the others, what they do. Then you'll feel somehow in a response to them. Of course it, like there are situations when it's hard not to react, but. But when the wave. When the wave surpasses, then. Then you can have a choice.
[00:34:09] Speaker A: Yeah, it's.
[00:34:10] Speaker C: It's true.
[00:34:11] Speaker A: They say you don't have much power about what happens to you, but you do have all the power to decide how you react. It's true. And I mean, if you realize it and you really, you know, because some people say, but no, no, but, but in fact, you know, but in fact, once you really.
Once you really internally accept this, it gives you so much power. Yes. Your life is in your hands. I mean, if you are an adult and, you know, not abused child, you have choices. Especially us here in the first world. Yeah, I mean, I'm not talking about war zones and places like that. That's, you know, your reaction and the things, how you take them have some freedom there to do. I will ask you one more thing and let's see what you will say when you ask a question. So is there a relationship in your life that you would either want to completely delete altogether or you would like it to be different, change it somehow?
[00:35:24] Speaker B: It is a tricky question. Like that I would like to delete it from life now, or that I had ever. I wouldn't like to delete any of it, even those difficult ones. I see that it brought me lots of, like, it's popular to say, a lesson learned and so on, but maybe, let's say at least information about yourself. So I would not delete. But there is a relationship with a friend of mine that I would like to change. Or I think that it had changed. And I am not happy about the changes, but what I want to do the most is to chill about it. Yes, maybe relationships are work as well, but sometimes what is the balance between effort and about letting go and not putting any pressure? Because I think it's. The line is very thin.
[00:36:20] Speaker A: True. And what works for me. Yeah. Okay. But sometimes I have, like, a decision of that kind. Yeah. Like, should I still contact this person or should I not be too pushy or whatever. Then, you know, I just let it go for a couple of days and then. Or I meditate about it or, you know, just give it some time. And then, you know, you just have to think. Or I think I will know what to do when the time comes. And normally it is like this. Like, then it's not with the, like, decision with the head. It's more like at that moment, I exactly know what I should do. I don't even then think about it. It just comes out as, you know, whatever reaction that I think chilling about things is always a good solution. Unsolicited wisdom.
That's the message.
Would you say that you are in a good place in general?
[00:37:12] Speaker B: Yes. What comes to my mind right away is that, well, if I say this, we start a totally new topic.
[00:37:22] Speaker A: Go ahead, let's start a new topic. Sometimes we cut it out.
[00:37:26] Speaker B: Even though I'm okay as I am, I'm moments of joy. Like everything is going fine. Like, I'm sitting here talking to you in a comfortably warm house. I have a daughter that is lovely and healthy, and I'm grateful for all of this. Yet I would love to have a partner in my life, a loving one. I think that some people are maybe more career oriented. Some people like dogs the most. Some people are geeks. And I just long for a solid romantic relationship.
[00:38:07] Speaker A: Well, you sound almost apologetic, but, I mean, I think that's. You are right. Some people are longing for different things, but also sometimes people are longing for different things because they are in a good relationship. I think it's quite common to wonder that, you know, it's not.
[00:38:27] Speaker B: Giving me the mirror reflection of sounding as an apology because it's already the default setting of me not trusting it or some kind of doubt or not feeling that it's my own or I don't know.
[00:38:44] Speaker A: Or you feel you shouldn't feel that way or. Yes.
[00:38:48] Speaker B: Yes. And even my throat got really dry now, so I had to drink because it's apparently like just saying that I want a man is so moving me. I have to say it again. I'll practice. I want a man. I want a man. I want a man.
[00:39:09] Speaker A: Is your throat very dry now?
[00:39:12] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:39:17] Speaker A: Okay. But I had a time in my life when I wanted a man, like a committed relationship. And I was not able to admit it to myself. You know, I was just like, in a relationship which was like, on and off. And I was like, I believe myself that I was okay with it, but in fact, you know, I was not. It was like, very long time ago. But now in the retrospective, I see that, in fact, I really wasn't able to connect to myself enough to realize what I want, you know, in life. And now I feel very happy that I understand my wants and needs, you know, and it's great. So what I want to tell you is, you know, what you want. So this is a big first step. So, you know, it will be easy.
[00:40:10] Speaker B: Well, thank you for saying that. It really does make me feel much better. It does.
[00:40:15] Speaker A: You see? Yeah, it is like that again, like gratitude. Because this was my next question. What qualities of yours you think brought you to where you are? You have gone a long way and you are living, like, not so easy life. I mean, I'm pretty sure that every single mom will tell you kudos. I mean, you are making it. You are a single mom. You have zero support from father of the child. You still have the capacity to think about her and, you know, how you talk to her, how you are bringing her up, how you want her to be comfortable and enjoy her joy and you observe. I mean, I could go on and on about how awesome you sound. So go ahead and admit it to yourself because you are great.
[00:41:02] Speaker B: I'm touched.
Thank you for saying it. I'll need a recording and play this is. I'll use this for the morning mantra.
I'll play you.
[00:41:17] Speaker A: Okay?
But we will see how long you will manage to listen to me. In the end, this podcast was most about, like, the relationship with ourselves, right? A little bit.
[00:41:32] Speaker B: Yes, it's true.
[00:41:33] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:41:34] Speaker A: Which ultimately it is the most important. We were not taught this at school, and I hope we will be better in raising our kids than our parents had the capacity to go with us.
But, I mean, we are working on ourselves. This is one of the things when I do my mantras for what I'm grateful for on myself is I'm working on myself. I'm working on myself. And this is good. And this is good. I try. So that's something to be grateful for, that we have the capacity to try to improve.
Okay. It was really lovely to talk to you. Thank you so much and thank you to our listeners to listen and.
[00:42:26] Speaker B: Thank you very much for having me here. It was a pleasure.
[00:42:30] Speaker A: Pleasure. Bye bye.
[00:42:32] Speaker B: Bye.
[00:42:33] Speaker A: Bye bye.
[00:42:34] Speaker B: Yes, bye bye.
[00:42:44] Speaker A: So that went well. Thanks for joining us today in interview with you. I hope you enjoyed the time as much as we did and that it brought something positive to your day and your life. Don't forget to get in touch if you want to be my next guest or if you have anything else you want to share with me. The contact details are in the description of the episode and or in the description of the podcast. But if you're lazy or you have rather audio memory, my email address is yaskayost without any space and spelled with JS. That is
[email protected] I'm also on Facebook under jaskayost. I look forward to hearing from you and to possibly having the next interview with you.
[00:43:52] Speaker C: Some can say things they will not do some can sleep without a pill some of lifetime way too soon and it's all going some are dropping naked eyes of life some will try to fight back time some will always stay dreaming like you and I, you and I.
