Episode Transcript
[00:00:07] Speaker A: Hello there, fellow humans. Thanks for tuning in today. I'm Jaska Jost and
this is interview with you today, not yet with you today with Linda, ladies and gentlemen, Linda is
an absolute badass and a true warrior. After enduring five years of infertility treatments, her
dream finally came true, only to face a heart wrenching tragedy. Her twin pregnancy took a
devastating turn when one of her babies passed away in the womb during the 7th month.
Did Linda break down? Absolutely. But shes here today to share her incredible journey of
resilience, hope and the strength to find light in the darkest of times. Her story is a beacon for
anyone navigating their own personal hell, proving that even the deepest pain can lead to
profound courage and inspiration. So without further ado, let's dive into Linda's powerful story.
Hello and welcome to my podcast. I hope everybody's doing great today. Today I have another
precious guest, Linda, coming here to share her story about infertility in our little series.
Welcome, Linda, and thanks so much for coming here.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.
[00:01:48] Speaker A: I will say a little about you.
You are married for ten years, just like myself. Evidently. You have two children now who are six
and eight years old. And your journey to the first pregnancy took five years.
So please tell us the story from the beginning.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: So my journey was very long, very painful at times, and last five very,
very, very long years.
And basically we started from scratch.
As I said earlier, I have picked up my folder with all my reports and everything, all my journey
just to remember because it was some time ago. And basically when I met my husband, we
were, I think, just 30 years old. And very quickly we decided that we just want to have kids
together after a couple of months. So we decided stop protecting ourselves.
And after nine months, as I read in the report, we went to see doctor saying, like, look, it's been
nine months and nothing happened. So, like, what can we do? And he told us, like, yeah, so try
some more time. And, you know, if not, you come here and we run some tests.
So we did, and they didn't find anything. So there was no reason. Both of us are fine.
Everything's fine. We did all kind of exams for me and for my husband, and there was nothing
wrong with us. We're just probably nothing matching or something. So very quickly we started.
The first was the ovarian stimulation. So basically they just stimulated the ovaries and then they
let the cells, the cycle, be natural.
[00:03:48] Speaker A: And, you know, and when they stimulate the ovaries, is it like they give
you medication yeah.
[00:03:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:54] Speaker A: Okay. So.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: So we did three cycles and it didn't work. So we moved to up. We speed
up. We went to the in uterine insemination, the IUI, my body didn't react. So there was. The first
was a big failure. They had to change the medication and they had to double the dose because
it was not working. So there was like a couple of one or two lost cycles. And I think after three
cycles, which was funny because I was listening to your podcast with Elise, and she mentioned
that there is a higher probability when you do more tries. This is not what I was told. And
basically after three cycles, we stopped because they said it's not going to work and we just
recommend IVF.
[00:04:41] Speaker A: Maybe it depends case by case, I suppose. Maybe it is individual.
[00:04:46] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:04:47] Speaker A: I just want to say this was all in the bowler clinic at the time.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: So this is 2010, 2011. And it was really difficult because with my husband,
we were the first one in our group of friends that we started to talk about having kids, you know,
instead of, like, still going out parties. And then suddenly you have one friend who tells you he's
pregnant, and you have another friend being pregnant, and then third, and you are still there and
nothing. And it's very lonely journey because the life around you is moving, but you are stuck in
nowhere. And, you know, I remembered when I was thinking about, I was, like, preparing her
and thinking about this podcast, I had, like, a couple of moments that I clearly remember that,
like, when some of the friends told me, like, oh, I'm pregnant. And we had friends for dinner, and
I was, like, doing dishes and I wanted to cry and, you know, but you have to keep the face and,
you know, you are happy actually for the person, but on the other hand, you are, like, shattered
inside. And I was speaking to another friend and I was like, I could see that you were crashing
down.
And I even had another friend who told me, I remember after one of the failure who told me, who
invited me for christening of her daughter, and I told her, like, sorry, I just had, like, bad results.
I can't go tonight. I just don't feel like being around kids. And she was like, oh, you're so selfish.
Like, how can you do this for me? So in a way, it cleaned out people around us.
[00:06:26] Speaker A: So, yeah, it's, it's hard, but at the same time, I want to say, I think until you
go through it, it's hard to understand.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. So anyway, so we've done, and it was really depressing. So
after the, before starting the IVF. We decided that my husband's taking a break, and we took six
months. We moved, we changed houses, we bought our house, we moved to France, whatever,
and we attacked from the new start.
We did the first simulation. I think I remember the first transfer. I did it under the partial
anesthesia, and I was not supporting them very well.
And we had three embryos only, so. And we were prepared. They asked us, like, do you want to
transfer one or two? Because you have to be ready for twins?
And we were like, yeah, okay. That's fun with us. And, like, my husband had these dreams that
we are having twins and stuff like that, and the first transfer didn't work.
And it was really like.
Like, you know, because, like, there was no reason why it's not working. We didn't have any
medical issue, so we're like, why is not working? I remember I was so depressed, and then, you
know, we had one more transfer, and they said, like, this is still part of the first, you know, IVF,
because the IVF cycles considering, like, if you have as many eggs, like, until you go through
them, it's still, like, one try. So they were like, oh. But, you know, I was like, does it even make
sense to transfer only one? You know, like, it's not gonna work. Like, why?
Anyway, it was a failure again and again. We took a break because it was hard for the body, and
then we did another try, and it was different because I had a friends that were doing. I had a
couple of friends that they. They were doing ivf at the same time as we did, and it worked for
them.
And I was like, wait, hang on a second. Like, there is a hope, you know? And I remember that
the second transfer we did, it was very sunny, and it was nice weather, and I was like, I was in
before the day I was in the stage. Like, I will go till the end to the. Like, to the four cycles that it's
paid by senesitive just to tell myself that I did everything, you know, everything possible, and if
it's not gonna work, then, you know, what the hell? It's not gonna. It's not gonna work, and you
do what you could. Exactly.
And we had. I don't remember. We had, like, 16 embryos, and we made a transfer, and it
worked. So we transferred two embryos, and it worked. So I got pregnant, and we had still, like, I
don't know how many. Twelve frozen embryos.
And so I had. My pregnancy didn't. Well, really well at the end. Yes. So it was twins. Yeah. So it
was. I had the twins very, very well, very easy going pregnancy. I was not sick. Like. Like,
everything was great until the seven months.
And then day before Christmas, we find out that one of the kids were deceased, that the
heartbeat wasn't there.
[00:10:15] Speaker A: How did you find out? It was because you felt it or you had a checkup?
[00:10:20] Speaker B: No, I had a checkup, and I don't know. I just. In one day, you know how it
is, like, your first pregnancy, so you don't want to freak out. Maybe this is the eastern european
thing. Like, you don't ask for help because, like, nobody tell you. And I didn't want it to be the
person. Like, you go. You know, like, you can go to the. Like, at the time at Bel Air, they. They
told you, like, if you have questions or if you feel something, you can come to the emergency.
And I was like, oh, come on. I'm not gonna go for. You know, like, for security.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: I don't want to be. I don't want to be strange. I don't want to.
[00:10:53] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:10:54] Speaker A: And I had to annoy anybody.
[00:10:56] Speaker B: Exactly. And. And I had this.
I had this pain, but it happened several times. Like, I had this little pain, and. And I went there,
and nothing, you know, they said, like, everything's fine. So I had this little pain while, you know,
running errands, and I was like, I just lay down, and it will be fine.
And I had the checkup, and now I was doing the hypothermia classes. You know, it's like when
you start. When you feel the. Like, you communicated with the kids, like, by touching with my
husband. And we couldn't. We couldn't. Yeah. Everybody was like, wow, it's great. So we did it.
And, I mean, I'm. To be honest, I wasn't impressed, but okay.
And. And she was like, oh, the other baby, like, oh, he must be asleep. He must be asleep. Like,
he doesn't want to communicate or whatever, and we're like, yeah, okay. I mean, you know,
nobody prepares you for that, and, like, you don't want to know about it. And so I had a checkup
on the 22 December with my.
With my doctor, and he was, like, weird, but, like, I didn't really notice, probably, because.
Probably I didn't want to notice, but my husband did because they were telling, like, you know,
they have these weird positions, like, they are, like, crossed, you know, one on another and
whatever.
But tomorrow you see the. You know, the ecography, the. Because twin pregnancies is
considered as a risky one. So basically, you have more echography checkups than the normal
pregnancy. So I was having one every month, and so I had it next day. So the 23 December.
And funnily enough, we were waiting in the meeting room, I mean, on the waiting room, and we
couldn't find the names, and we eventually find the second name, and.
And we came through, and, you know, so he did the checkout. He's like, yeah, okay, this is your
kid, and this is the heartbeat and whatever. And I remember myself telling him, like, oh, but
yesterday we had the checkup, and, like, he couldn't find the heartbeat. And the doctor said,
well, it's because there is none.
And I was like, you know, like, when you. I'm very pragmatic person. Like, I need technical
details, you know?
[00:13:17] Speaker A: I mean, nobody's this pragmatic. Come on. What you said before we
started recording, you said you were so lucky and that you didn't meet any cold people taking
care of you. Oh, my God.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: He was, he was not, he didn't put it in a, like, cold way. You know, it was
not. It was not cold way. It's like, it's maybe, like, maybe it's because of nature of my characters,
like, I don't like to be infantilized. You know, he just. He just put it out there. And for me, that that
was convenient for me. That's the way I need. I need technical details. You know, I need logical
reason for everything I have searching.
So. And, you know, so it's knowing that pregnancy, like, that twins pregnancy is a risky one. I
was always, there is always a little something behind. Like, I hope everything is fine. And, you
know, I imagine, like, oh, my. Like, you know, when you hear or read in the radio, like, if
something like this happened to me, like, the world will fall apart and, you know, and I will fall
apart and everything. And I remember he told me that, and I was like. And there was nothing.
Like, I felt nothing.
I was, like, empty. Because, like, your brain doesn't take it that there is something.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: I think it's basically a state of shock because it doesn't really travel into
the brain yet.
There is, like, a block. I think that.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: So then, you know, when I had some exams, so I was, like, really, like,
zombie style. I went to the reception and I said, look, like, okay, so this happened. I have to do
exams and whatever, whatever. And I went to have my blast, withdrawn, and I went home and I.
[00:14:57] Speaker A: Crashed down, of course.
[00:14:58] Speaker B: And so this was Christmas day, first of all, family around and everything.
So, of course, you know, we canceled everything and I mean, I say we cancel everything my
husband did because I honestly, he did the ungrateful work to tell everyone.
I just called my parents to tell them.
And then it was like, then there was.
So that happened.
That happened on 23 December.
And they told me that, you know, the natural reaction of the body would be to expose the, you
know, just.
[00:15:40] Speaker A: Just one or both at that one.
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Just one.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: And that was actually my, normally the body would do the expel.
[00:15:49] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:15:50] Speaker A: The one without a heartbeat.
[00:15:51] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. But this was really late stage, and because I was seven,
the beginning of the seven months, and, and the surviving twin was the one that was at the
bottom, so they couldn't. So they have to stop the, you know, delivering, basically.
[00:16:12] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:16:12] Speaker B: So on the 28 December or 27, I got contractions. I went to the hospital
and they kept me there with the medication, like making everything necessary for my other twin
to evolve in a good manner and in a, you know, as healthy as possible and, you know, to come
to an end, successful end. And I stayed in the hospital until end of January, and then I was
released to home because basically they left. They kept me until 32nd week because you come
like from the great prematures, you know.
[00:16:59] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: They have, like from 2028 to 32, you're like the grade premature, and then
from 32 to 36, it's just in brackets premature, and then you can deliver. So I was released on a
week of 32, and then I was at home with medication for, then I went home for a month with
medication, but I was coming to the clinic every second day, for example, which is extremely
exhausting because you never know what to expect.
[00:17:33] Speaker A: Yeah, it must be mentally, it must be really, really insane.
[00:17:36] Speaker B: I mean, and it was really hard because you are, it's like pure
schizophrenia because, you know, that happened. But since you have your belly, it's not
concrete.
And so anyway, I was going there every day. I was having the doctor and he was like, oh, are
you still here? You will be there even anytime now. Oh, are you still here? You will be like, we
were laughing. I have good, despite all of this, I have good memories on this. And then
eventually I delivered naturally without c section, without anything, 36 plus two, my two sons.
So I went really, really long way.
[00:18:24] Speaker A: So you delivered both of the babies.
[00:18:28] Speaker B: And I did birth. So I gave birth to my son, who is today eight.
So he was the first one. And then I delivered the disease baby. And that was a bit hard because,
you know, imagine after two months in the belly, it's not great. So there were some complications
and everything.
But, I mean, yeah, it was natural. It was easy. I think it lasted, honestly, like 2 hours. Like, from
the point I came to hospital until I delivered and I had really good memory on my delivery. I
mean, we laughed a lot of. I didn't have to explain anything because everybody knew me
because I was there.
[00:19:15] Speaker A: Like, you were living there.
[00:19:16] Speaker B: You were living there basically, so. And I had really, really good team of
people around me. I mean, I had psychologists, the doctors, the nurses.
I mean, I have no bad words to say to them. It was really, really great.
[00:19:38] Speaker A: I would like to say at this point, because I found it, like, yes, you said that
you were heartbroken at stages, but I love it how now you are able to talk about it and, you
know, laugh and say everything. Because my heart is breaking when I. When I hear this
because it must have been so horrid. But I think that this will really give hope to people, you
know, to people who might be at the same situation as you were then.
[00:20:05] Speaker B: I. But this is the thing. And this was the thing why I wanted to, like,
because this is out of my comfort zone, you know, talking about this, but I found that this is such
a taboo and. And, you know, as I said, like, I was at the first. When I found out, I was. I was
really angry because I was like, why? Nobody prepared me on that for this, you know, because I
found out that this is actually quite a common situation, you know, that a lot of. It's true that a lot
of twin pregnancies, like, end up earlier that, you know, but it's not so rare to come to this. This
late stage. And nobody really, like, warn you about this. They tell you, like, it's a risky pregnancy,
but that's it. You know, there are no.
And. And, I mean, I can understand that when you're trying to conceive child and once you get
happy and everything, you don't want to hear this kind of stuff. But maybe that's the pragmatic
person in me that, like, I would like. I. I wanted to have, like, heads up that it might happen, but
wouldn't it?
[00:21:07] Speaker A: Because I think that for many people, it could mean that they would worry,
you know, unnecessarily.
[00:21:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:15] Speaker A: Like, yeah. And panic and anxiety. And so, I mean, it's tricky to decide
what. What to do.
[00:21:24] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely. And again, and I was bit on my own on this journey
because, as I said, I had great support from, like, the family and people around me, but I needed
to. I needed to talk someone who had similar experience, you know, and I read, I found
someone recommended me a book that was about, it was a different story, but it was about twin
pregnancy loss. And it really, really helped me out. And ever since, I tried to help, you know, in
the community and support maybe talk about this because it's a risk, you know, like, if you're
willing to take the pregnancy risk, you should know that there is such risk and it can happen.
And it became really, really concrete once I delivered because suddenly it became real, you
know, like, instead of. And, you know, you have people around you because it was late stage
and because I was already on maternity leave and it happened, like, for a couple of times that
some people come like, oh, so you had the twins and you're, like, you're not prepared for the
question because you know what happened. You somehow made your peace with it. I, like, if I
can say so, because you can't really, but, like, somehow get used to more or less to the
situation. You came home with one baby instead of two, and then someone asked you, like, oh,
so you had a. And you're like, uh, well, no. And that makes people uncomfortable because you
have to explain, but it shouldn't make them uncomfortable because it happens, you know?
[00:23:10] Speaker A: You know, I think that. Well, that's a bit different topic, but it's, it's very real
as well. I mean, it applies to any kind of grief because we are not taught about, like, when I, my
mother died when I was quite young. She was 16. Okay, she wasn't 16. I was 16. But, you know,
and then you, you see that people just start getting strange around you because they don't
know, you know, they would love to help you. It's like, I feel it also myself sometimes, you know,
when somebody's parents die, you know, now that we are getting older and stuff like that, I also.
It's hard to really choose the right way to approach the person who is grieving because they are
going through shit and you know it, but you don't know how to talk to them. And we are not
taught this. I think this should be really.
[00:23:59] Speaker B: Absolutely. And this is, this is the thing that I learned that, I mean, I'm not
good feeling with feelings. Like, really not. And I'm really, like, always, like, I feel for you. I really
do. But I don't know what to tell you. So my experience is, like, you don't have to say, like, I. You
don't have to say like, I know how you feel because you don't.
[00:24:21] Speaker A: But, like, even like, a person who went through the exact same thing as
you. It doesn't mean that they feel the same way.
[00:24:29] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:24:30] Speaker A: Understand technicalities.
[00:24:32] Speaker B: The only thing is like, to say is like, I don't know how you feel, but I'm here
for you if you need me. And end of the story, you know, don't go any further. And if the person
want to talk to you, then she will talk to you and that's enough.
Anyway, so I had my. I had my kid and it was really, really difficult the first 1st year because, like,
retrospectively I can say it was difficult. I didn't feel it that way at the time because, like, you
don't have a time, you know, when you lose a child and you don't bring home any, then you have
time to mourn. And this is something I didn't have because I had to take care of the. Of the baby.
So you are like, happy for one kid, but at the same time you are like, weird feeling weird because
you are mourning. But do you have the rhyme to mourn because you still came home with one
baby and he needs you and, you know, so it's really, really difficult kind of situation. And then
after a year, my husband told me, like, oh, but, you know, like, let's have another child. And I
was. I was definitely not ready because I didn't, you know, grieve, I didn't mourn and. But I was
like, I am 39 or 38 and, like, clock is ticking. It was very clear for me from the beginning, I don't
want to have a kid after 40.
So I was like, okay, let's go for it. Because, like, it took so much time for the first one, you know,
so it will never end. I took jobs and we did, like, unfreeze the embryos that we had. And the first
transfer was successful.
[00:26:10] Speaker A: And was it again multiple embryos?
[00:26:13] Speaker B: Oh, yes, it was. Again, we transferred two and we went to Rome and I
had. I started to bleed, so I was, like, completely freaked out. And I called the nurses and they
were like, oh, don't worry. It can indeed mean something, but it cannot mean anything.
And so when we came back, I went to the. I went to see the checkups and, well, there was still. I
lost one of the, you know, embryos, but there was still one wearable, and that's my daughter.
And so she's six today.
And we had still a couple of embryos frozen. And my husband still had a hope for a third one, for
another one. But I said, like, the, you know, factory closed.
I had my daughter, I was 39. And I said, as I said before, after 40, I didn't feel. And my
daughter's pregnancy was really like, you know, you. I had it all, like, you know, the morning
sickness, the, like, I couldn't eat anything. I couldn't feel anything. It was horrible. Everything and
the worst. And, you know, every year they send you this protocol, like, do you want to continue?
Like, do you want to keep the embryos? Or do you, like, can we, like, use them for research or
whatever they do with it? And I was like, I'm sure I'm not going. I don't want another kids. And.
But my husband was like, oh, let's wait for a year, let's. And he was the one, he had the difficult
time to, like, oh, you know, maybe. Are you sure?
[00:27:50] Speaker A: Are you sure?
[00:27:51] Speaker B: But, yeah. So we eventually stopped trying. And then I got pregnant three
years ago.
[00:28:01] Speaker A: Like, naturally.
[00:28:03] Speaker B: Yes. Which was weird. And I realized because I was thirsty. I was sitting in
my office and I was like, oh, I'm thirsty. And I'm like, nothing thirsty person. I was like, hang on a
second. Like, when you're thirsty, it means you're pregnant.
[00:28:15] Speaker A: Oh, really?
[00:28:17] Speaker B: So I went to, I went to the check, but it was, it was a clear egg. It was, it
was not viable. So I had to, I had to have a chemical interruption of the, of the pregnancy.
So, yeah, that's pretty much.
[00:28:33] Speaker A: God damn you, nature. Look at that. It's really. Wow, that's quite a story,
really, because.
[00:28:44] Speaker B: It'S.
[00:28:45] Speaker A: I mean, it was about, it was supposed to be about the infertility, but I think
that the twin loss is also a big topic. I think.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: I mean, the thing is, as I said at the beginning, I think it's very good that
there are nowadays new community supporting each other.
[00:29:06] Speaker A: Like, you know, I think thanks to the. For this. I mean, there is many
downsides of the Internet, like, especially if you have kids, I think. But this is such a, you know,
such a big opportunity for people to really to share because even if it's a rare thing, which, I
mean, with twins, I think it's rather, rather rarer than infertility because as I've researched and
the who webpage says that every 6th person in their productive age experiences infertility. And
there is a lot of data missing from certain countries. So it could be more.
But for twins, not every pregnancy is a twin pregnancy. And then, you know, not every is a loss
in the later stage, so it's probably rarer. But if you, if you look worldwide, you, you find many
people. And this is why I think that Internet is a good thing, and this is why I'm doing what I'm
doing here, to give hope in for people who must be. I cannot imagine how horrible this must
have been. And to show, yes, that there is a way through. And you get through it, and you will be
all happy and. And funny as you are. So.
[00:30:34] Speaker B: It was a long. It was a long day, because I'm not gonna lie. I seek for help.
I think when my daughter was one, it really hit me, because my husband, he always said that I'm
like locomotive, you know, like, I go against the wall, and you cannot stop me.
So I was just, like, in the move, you know? And then suddenly it hits me, and it was the other
way around. I passed under the train, and I really had, like, whatever you want to call it,
postpartum depression or, you know, nervous breakdown or whatever. And I went to see a
therapist that I actually met when I was in a bowler clinic that was assigned to me to help me
with the loss. And it took me a couple of years to go and talk to her on a weekly basis until we
stopped.
[00:31:42] Speaker A: Didn't they, for example, suggest this to you after the birth? Because it
would be.
[00:31:48] Speaker B: No, I had. I had. But I just felt like, you know, this is the thing. Like, you
know, when you are in the hospital and you. You don't feel it, because, as I said, it's very, very.
It's.
You know, that it's there, but it's not real because they are still in your belly, you know? And then,
you know, you just get sucked into the. Whatever.
[00:32:12] Speaker A: Motherhood.
[00:32:13] Speaker B: Motherhood. Whatever motherhood is. And you just. You just didn't
realize, you know?
So. But then, indeed, in one point, I said to my husband, like, I can't. I just. I can't do this
anymore. And, yeah, so I seek help, and I discovered that there is a whole kind of big
community of people that are helping, because I think that, as many people, you can be
surrounded with good support and friends and family. Sometimes things are easier to be told to a
person who is stranger.
[00:32:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:55] Speaker B: Because there might not be a judgment or, you know, because there is
not knowledge of your history or whatever reason behind there is.
And sometimes you just need to know that it's gonna be fine. So, you know, so I know that I
have met myself. Few girls we exchange together that I hope that I, you know, somehow
supported them and gave them the hope. And that's what I said to myself, like, my story might
be rare, might be not, but if it can help someone just to tell them. Like, it's. It's. It's hard. It's hard.
I'm not gonna lie. It's hard. It's hard. But there is a sun at the end of the tunnel, and I.
Yeah, I mean, we're gonna make it, you know? And. And I was. And to be honest, as I was
saying that I had this couple of friends that was doing the ivf with me. I was the kind of person,
because everyone was like, everything, you know, happens for a reason, and you have to think,
like, positively, and, you know, it's. And I was always like, what? What?
Like, I will, like, punch you in the face if you tell me once. Then, like, we have to think everything.
Fax. Exactly. I was like, well, like, ah. And I don't know. I just. As I said, the day I went to make
my transfer, it was sunny, and I felt bad and I felt good, and I, like, I felt the sun on my face, and
I was like, this is gonna work because I feel good, you know?
[00:34:39] Speaker A: So, yeah, positive attitude is good, but sometimes it's. I mean, it must be
hard at times. You cannot force it on yourself. Also, this is like, you either feel it or you don't. And
with this hormonal roller coaster that the infertility treatments are, it's not always easy, that's for
sure. But you. When you. When we were talking about, like, how your friends were pregnant and
that you still managed to feel happy for them, I mean, you're better than me, because, I mean, I.
When I was.
No, because I miscarried twice. And I was like. And then I saw, like, my friends. None of my
friends were pregnant at the time, I think, luckily. But I saw, like, a stranger. Strangers pregnant,
you know, in a shop, you know, I was like, I just hate you. It was really sad, you know, because
normally when I. Now. When I see a pregnant lady. Oh, baby.
[00:35:41] Speaker B: But I know. I know what you mean, because I was like, you start noticing
pregnant ladies around you and you're like, they were everywhere.
[00:35:49] Speaker A: Everywhere.
[00:35:49] Speaker B: Exactly. Exactly. And you're like, is it normal? Like, where did they appear
suddenly, you.
[00:35:54] Speaker A: Know, they are after me. They are here just to, you know, make me sad.
And they are horrible people, pregnant people.
[00:36:04] Speaker B: And there is a lot of things, like. Like, you know, like. Like you're thinking,
like, why? I know that I had, like, from the beginning, this kind of, like, feeling that, like, there was
something wrong with me, but. Because as I said, I come from the eastern Europe, and I had,
you know, there was not the contraception and everything, and. Okay, fun. I mean, I was
probably smarter than my friends because I was on the contraception, like, very early, I think, 14
or something. Not for, like, you know, intercourse reason, but for. I think at the time, I had, like,
very bad acne, and they treated it with contraception.
[00:36:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I know that they. I think they still do.
[00:36:48] Speaker B: And I had a lot of friends, like, they felt pregnant, and they had to go to,
you know, abortion, and I was like, I never had that. You know, so there's something wrong with
me. And I was like, okay. But on the other hand, you were having contraception, so, you know,
but, you know, you doubt yourself. Like, why did it happen to me? Because, like, they didn't find
any reason.
[00:37:09] Speaker A: Why it was, again, the unexplained infertility.
[00:37:12] Speaker B: Exactly.
So it's always you trying to question everything. Like, okay, so when I was younger, and there
was. There was also this. This point that Ellis mentions as well, that, like, sometimes in the
journey, you. You become alone within your relationship as well, because you become very
much target oriented. It. You know, and I know that with the stimulation, when we started, it was.
It's funny today.
It wasn't funny.
[00:37:45] Speaker A: That's good. Like, keep laughing. That's good.
[00:37:48] Speaker B: When you're starting, they'll tell you, like, okay, so your. Your ovaries
stimulated. It became, you know, you go to ecographies to see how they are big, and they're
like, okay, so. So now you have, like, uh, we have put the injection, and now you have, like, two
days window. You have to have sex, and you're.
[00:38:03] Speaker A: Like, yay, the romance.
[00:38:05] Speaker B: And then, you know, if it can destroy a couple, you know, I mean, it's. In
one point, at the beginning, it's funny. And then, you know, in one point, it's like, my husband's,
like, at that time, he was my boyfriend. He's like, oh, I don't. I have flu. I have a fever and I'm
sick. And I was like, no, no, you can't, like, we have two days. We have 18 hours. Like, you have
to perform.
So it's. It's funny today.
It's not funny after a while, especially if you take. Especially if it takes long, because, you know,
all the romance disappear because you are really going for something.
[00:38:44] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a different. You are then, very, very goal oriented. Right, exactly.
But apparently, I guess, that your husband proved a keeper because, I mean, five years of this,
and you are still together. I think that it made you as strong as they get, right? Yeah. Couples.
[00:39:07] Speaker B: So he, luckily is here, and he is very, very big support.
I'm very lucky.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: It's great to see. I mean, if there is nothing else good out of the whole
borderline horror story from my point of view, then. Then there is, of course, your children
because you will say they were absolutely worth it, will you not? Of course you will say plus
then, yeah, you know, that what your husband is made of, which is a good stuff, apparently.
[00:39:44] Speaker B: No, he is. He is. I have to say he was really great support and I.
In a good and a bad. I mean, you know, sometimes I have to look for him because he had
tendency to disappear.
[00:39:57] Speaker A: Yeah. But they also deal with. Because on men, I think it's just as well.
It's a different kind of heart because, of course, they don't have to go through all the, you know,
hormones and injections or whatever, the transfers and stuff, but at the same time, I think it was
Elise who mentioned last time, uh, yeah, they wish they could help, but they can't. You know, it's
like with the breastfeeding. They can't help you there. Really? Like with the breastfeeding or, you
know, with going through the transfers? No, they can't. And maybe sometimes they would like
to. So.
But, okay. On that note, I think this is a good message.
Yeah. To. To find out what your partners are made of and. And appreciate them every day and.
And yourself, because what you went through was something. So say you did a great job and
you are awesome, in case you didn't know.
So that's my message for the end of the episode. Do you have something you would like to pass
on the listeners?
[00:41:03] Speaker B: No, I just probably listen to yourself. I didn't do that enough.
And seek for help. It's very important to seek for help. There are communities, there are
professionals, and seek for support because I think that's the most important thing.
[00:41:29] Speaker A: And it's out there. There are people who want to help and who can help if
it's just by listening or just giving you a hug and letting you cry and whatever it is that you need.
So don't never hesitate to ask for help. And if it's not, if it's a professional, which doesn't suit you,
go find another one.
It's a base.
[00:41:53] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:41:55] Speaker A: Okay. Thanks so much, Linda. It was. I mean, I want to say I really feel
that way. It was fun, even though it was not fun, if you know what I mean. Thanks so much for
coming and being so brave and sharing your story.
[00:42:11] Speaker B: Thank you so much for having me.
[00:42:13] Speaker A: And I hope that this episode will help as many people as possible.
[00:42:19] Speaker B: So do I.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: Thank you so much.
Bye bye bye.
So that went well. Thanks for joining us today in interview with you. I hope you enjoyed the time
as much as we did and that it brought something positive to your day and to your life. Don't
forget to get in touch if you want to be my next guest or if you have anything else you want to
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[00:43:56] Speaker C: Some of lifetime waiting when it's all going to fly some are dropping their
good ties at night some are trying to fight the time some will always stay dreaming like you and I,
you and I.
