Episode Transcript
[00:00:07] Speaker A: Hello there, fellow humans.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: Thanks for tuning in today. I'm Jaska Joost and this is interview with you today. Not yet with you today with.
[00:00:23] Speaker C: Nikola Parichkova.
Nicola is a queen of accepting people as they are and practicing respect in relationships, even if they are complicated. She has quite some stories to tell about her mom, who moved overseas when Nicola was 16 and her little brother, eight years old, about the dynamics within her family and dealing with ex partners. We can all learn a lot from Nicola and we have a lot to cover, so let's go.
[00:01:06] Speaker B: Hello and welcome to my podcast. Today I am here with Nicola Parichkova, a wonderful woman, a mother of two. She's married to the father of the second child. The children are eleven and four years old and Nicola herself is 42.
She came here today to tell us very interesting stories.
Well, I'm very curious about the story of your mom and also about your two partners, two fathers of your children.
We will get back to it.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: I also want to say that you.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: Used to work for a very long time at the airport and now you are excited to start a new business, which I found very refreshing and interesting and useful because Nicola, she supports people and gives them a hand and help when they are asking for donations for more ecological heating. So I found it a bit unusual but very useful. And as I said, refreshing because it's not something you hear every day. So welcome.
[00:02:26] Speaker A: Thank you very much for coming and tell me more about you.
[00:02:29] Speaker D: Hello, Jaska. Very happy you invited me here. I was looking forward.
I think you introduced me. Well, I agree with everything you said.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: As I said, I really was captured by the story that you said or told me about your mom.
The point being that when you were 16, your mom decided to basically leave.
[00:02:59] Speaker D: Yes, actually to go to United States. And it happened because she had some business here in Czech Republic, actually some. Some drugstore, but it didn't go well, so she had to close it and she left some debts here and she was thinking what she will do next. And her husband told her, my sister is in the United States and I was there a few times and everything is better there.
If you have business there, you get money. It's much better than here. So she decided to go there.
They actually sold their car, some Felicia or something. So they have money for flight tickets. And they went to her husband, sister, to Las Vegas, actually.
She started to clean houses, apartments, and actually, after some years, she made good business there.
[00:04:12] Speaker A: Okay, so when you say her husband. So he was not your dad.
[00:04:17] Speaker D: No, no. It's another thing quite complicated. And our family?
[00:04:22] Speaker A: Okay. Yes.
[00:04:24] Speaker D: It was her 3rd. 3rd husband. So with my father, they were together. I don't know, I think they broke up early after I was born. Then she had another husband, my brother came to this world. And then actually she. She divorced and she got another husband. And I will tell you later about the other husbands.
[00:04:53] Speaker A: Okay, so you also have a brother? Yeah, I have younger brother.
[00:04:58] Speaker D: Yes, half brother.
[00:04:59] Speaker A: Okay. And so when your mom told me. Told me. No, she didn't tell me anything, obviously.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: Because she didn't know.
[00:05:07] Speaker A: Know when she told you? When she told you I'm going to United States to start. Try to start business. What or what was the plan? She asked you to come along or did she? How was the plan?
[00:05:22] Speaker D: I remember. I remember she came to my room and she told me, what do you think if I go to United States for one year? And I said.
I said, okay, why not? Maybe it will be chance to visit you there and it can bring some more things. But actually I didn't really realize what happened at that time.
[00:05:51] Speaker A: You didn't?
[00:05:52] Speaker D: So I told her, yes, go try.
[00:05:56] Speaker A: At the end it was not really one year, right?
[00:06:00] Speaker D: It was not finally one year, it was 15 years. And she couldn't come back because she went there. Because she went there on a tourist visa and that visa expired and she couldn't get green card. The situation there was not good that years. I don't know. She tried many times, but she couldn't get anything, so she didn't have passport. And if she came back, she couldn't return. First time I was there after one year, when I was 17, it was first time. And yes, it was cool.
[00:06:48] Speaker A: In Las Vegas.
[00:06:49] Speaker D: It was very cool.
I couldn't imagine. It was like in tv, you know that.
So it was something I would never forget.
But then I had to. I had to go back.
[00:07:12] Speaker A: But when you were here and your brother and your mom was in the States, where did you live?
[00:07:19] Speaker D: I lived with my grandparents.
[00:07:22] Speaker A: And your brother too?
[00:07:24] Speaker D: No, no, he lived with his father.
[00:07:27] Speaker B: Father.
[00:07:28] Speaker A: Okay, and how old was he your brother then?
[00:07:31] Speaker D: When she left, he was about eight years. And.
And my mom, she just divorced with his father. And I think it was very complicated for him. And until now he is not. He didn't get over it. I imagine there are still problems.
[00:07:53] Speaker A: Okay. And he, did he also come to visit or.
[00:07:59] Speaker D: Yes, sure. We were sometimes together for vacation, for summer holiday, for Christmas, but not too often.
[00:08:09] Speaker A: Okay. And when you then figured out in a year that she's not coming back after one year what did you feel? What did you think of it?
[00:08:20] Speaker D: No. Yes. I imagined. I remember especially when something very important came to my life. I imagined she will just appear in a door and tell me, hey, I am here, I am back. And this never happened. So sometimes I was very sad, but I understood her situation. I told her, you can go.
So actually it was that time. All calls between Czech Republic and United States. It was very expensive, so to call each other. There was no Skype. The Internet just had just start like that dial up Internet. It was also quite expensive.
So she sent me letters. I was very happy when I got. She sent me long letters. I still have them.
[00:09:16] Speaker A: It must have been hard. I mean, I can't quite imagine. And for your brother, maybe even.
[00:09:21] Speaker D: Even harder.
[00:09:22] Speaker A: Maybe, yeah, because he was younger, right. Once you become a mom yourself, did you start seeing the situation differently then?
[00:09:32] Speaker D: Yes, I'm not sure if I would be able to do the same thing to my children.
But, you know, we will see. My older daughter is eleven years old.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: We don't have a teenager yet.
[00:09:48] Speaker D: And we will see when she is 16, because the age of 16 is some special, special.
So when she gets over 16, she will be okay.
No, but I'm quite fixed to my children and I can't imagine.
But who knows.
[00:10:10] Speaker A: True, you never know. It's difficult to just exactly. I mean, maybe your daughter would be completely fine with it, but I.
[00:10:19] Speaker D: No, it doesn't look like.
[00:10:23] Speaker A: How is the relationship? Is she back now, your mom?
[00:10:27] Speaker D: She's back, yes, but that's another thing. And I was actually, she could come back when I was pregnant with my daughter when I was 31.
She got green card at least. But she actually, she left that husband in United States and she found actually the american guy and she married him. She married him to get.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: So she got the, the. Wow. So your mom was four times married.
[00:11:04] Speaker D: Or does she have actually now? It's the fifth time, but hopefully for the last time now. Now she got another american man. Actually he is american millionaire and he's very good in making money and he's very nice guy and very friendly and he loves Czech Republic. He loves to come here. He visited, he visits us here a few times in a year. And actually he decided to run czech restaurant and he is actually, he put money to it. It's actually their dream. And with his money it can run well without it. I don't think this business is good for money here in Czech Republic. Now she is sometime here and then because of the green card, when she wants to extend her green cup. She must go back. So she's several months there. They are together and. Okay. They are coming there. Coming back.
[00:12:31] Speaker A: Okay. Five marriages. That's. I think I should invite your mom to my podcast.
[00:12:37] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:12:40] Speaker A: Quite an interesting story. But do you also have other siblings or it was just you and your brother from the five marriages?
[00:12:47] Speaker D: Only me. And. Only me and my brother.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: And do you think that, you know, the whole story, like, influenced the relationship with your mom?
[00:12:59] Speaker D: Sure.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:01] Speaker D: When. Back when. When she came back and I was pregnant. She was there. She was there when my daughter was born. It was nice, but actually, I expected more. I expected now when she is here, she will spend so much time with me, and it didn't happen. She know everything I dreamed, it was in my head. Only you expect somebody, somebody come here, somebody come to you and do everything you dreamed about.
[00:13:41] Speaker A: Did you tell her about your expectations or you just kept it for yourself and kept expecting?
[00:13:47] Speaker D: I think, yes, I did. But she couldn't.
She had a lot of friends here, and all the friends wanted to see her, and I don't know, she's how she is. She couldn't be someone else. And that's what my brother has. His problem are the expectations, and he couldn't get over it.
We have our children, and maybe they won't be like our expectation, you know, it's the relationship between parents and children. It's not always perfect.
[00:14:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I think that it's almost certain that our children will not be as we expect them.
[00:14:36] Speaker D: Exactly. So we cannot expect that our parents will be how we expect.
[00:14:44] Speaker A: I like this approach. That's. That's nice. Like, yeah, it's a lesson to learn. I mean, yeah, you have to accept people as they are and work around it. I think with. With parents, it's a bit special. But how do you think it would be different if your mom has never left the relationship? How you imagine it?
[00:15:06] Speaker D: I don't know. I don't know. I'm thinking about it, but it's done. Maybe I would.
I would feel stronger because when she was not here, I felt little bit alone for everything. Maybe I.
But who knows?
[00:15:29] Speaker A: No, we will never know, right? We would need two lives next to each other, compare, and we don't have that. So that's.
[00:15:37] Speaker D: But until you. Until you don't leave, that you cannot say.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: You cannot say. But do you think that there is something that it gave you that you wouldn't have, you know, like, what brought. What positive didn't bring you, that your mom wasn't there?
[00:15:54] Speaker D: So the positive was the experience to go to United States. Actually, I really liked it. Town, Las Vegas and the nature around. I know better to care about myself. Maybe I'm more responsible because I know it's up to me.
But actually, when I was younger, I wasn't really, really responsible.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: But I remember who was responsible when I was young. I mean, I am alive, you are alive and kicking. But this brings me to like the other topic that I still wanted to talk about. And that is that you have two children and each of them you have with another father. Tell me about the first one.
[00:16:50] Speaker D: Actually, I met him when I was 18, so it was a big laugh, but. So he was the one.
First one. I lived together, but actually, after few years we broke up.
I found he's not exactly the person I would like to. To stay forever.
But I had another relationship. But that relationship finished and I was alone and he was always kind of around. We were in touch with the previous one and he called me and said, okay, let's go out, we will spend evenings together.
So I went because I was alone and was kind of unhappy. And, you know, because the previous relationship ended, so we went. And actually, what happened that. That time, that night we made my daughter.
It was kind of magic. I don't know. I think it should. It should really happen, because it helped me. It helped me a lot in my life.
I needed. Actually, I felt I am ready for children. And my previous partner, when he found out I would like to have children, he was not ready.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: So also.
[00:18:37] Speaker D: Why then this relationship finished.
So it happened quite fast.
[00:18:45] Speaker A: And what. What did he like? The.
[00:18:48] Speaker B: Your.
[00:18:49] Speaker A: The father of your daughter? Did you tell him that you got pregnant? I imagine.
[00:18:55] Speaker D: Yes, sure.
[00:18:57] Speaker A: Well, there are stories that. Oh, I'm not even telling him, but. So what did he say then? What did he say? How did he react?
[00:19:06] Speaker D: He was happy. He was happy? Yes.
[00:19:09] Speaker A: Okay.
And so. But then did you live together and had the baby?
[00:19:16] Speaker D: We tried. Yes, I tried again. I gave it another chance to this relationship, but again, I was not satisfied.
We can be friends together.
I feel like he is more pushing me down.
And so we were together. We weren't together. He was not happy with this, but I felt he's not the guy I want to be with.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:19:55] Speaker D: I'm okay. We have child, but.
[00:19:58] Speaker A: But does he still. Is he in touch with your dog? With his.
Okay. Yes.
[00:20:05] Speaker D: Because I think that.
I think that.
Or I found out that really children need both parents. It doesn't matter if the parents are together, the children. It's important for your children, that they know, at least they know who is it, and they can make their own image.
[00:20:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:33] Speaker B: I agree 100%. And this is great that this is the way you have it. But I also know many cases where the guys just. They don't want to see the kids, which is sad. They don't want to see their children. And I think for the kids, it's not easy, but that's another story.
[00:20:54] Speaker D: I know, but he loves. He loves her so much.
[00:21:01] Speaker A: I also love how you can keep the. Even though you're not together, that you talk about him nicely and that you are appreciating that he's there for your daughter.
[00:21:12] Speaker D: No, he was always not. He was not always. That time, I found quite early, but that fighting and this kind of things is not good for children.
[00:21:25] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:21:27] Speaker B: Yeah. I really like this mature approach. I wish everybody was like this, but.
[00:21:34] Speaker A: Okay, so.
[00:21:37] Speaker B: You broke up and you had a small child. So how was life as a single mother? Were you searching for a new partner or were you happy single?
[00:21:50] Speaker D: I was searching. I knew I don't want to be with him, but I wanted somebody. And finally, when I almost gave up, I was tired from searching.
[00:22:01] Speaker A: How does it work, actually, when you're single, mom? Do you. Because, I mean, I've been married for now. Like. Yeah, actually ten years. So I didn't experience Tinder, you know, I'm missing this experience. Was Tinder there already when you were dating, when you were single, mom?
[00:22:19] Speaker D: No, I had. I had. I made it more complicated, actually, because I fall in love when I was on holiday in Greece. Somebody, somebody there. And it was very nice, but we didn't see each other much, actually. It happened on our vacation. And then he told me, come to see me in Athens. And I decided to go for one week. I took my daughter to his father. He was not happy, but I knew I have to do it.
She was about three years old. I said, I need to go for one week to Greece. Please take care. So he did actually, this help of his mother, obviously.
And I went there, and it was one of the best week in my life. It was very nice. Then I came back and actually, he visited Prague and so on, but, you know, there were three or four months I was here, he was there.
So we couldn't see each other. We just called each other. And I didn't see the way how to make a family. It was actually too complicated. It was nice experience. It was beautiful love, exotic and romantic. It gave me a lot, but I knew I want something stable, something normal. I was not too brave exactly to take my daughter and move to Greece because of her father. And I knew it would break his heart.
So I didn't find a way out from this situation. And this finished. So it was one of the relationship also. And then I just went to one pub here and I met my husband.
[00:24:45] Speaker B: So there was no online dating or anything. I was curious about Tinder and I found out nothing again.
[00:24:53] Speaker D: No, just one day it came and it was there.
[00:24:58] Speaker A: Okay. And so he.
Did he have any children before he met you?
[00:25:04] Speaker D: Yes, yes.
Actually his daughter is now 18 years old.
But we are not much in touch, because when we became together, he was already 13 and going to the teenage age and so expect she is there and her mother. But we are not much in touch. Actually, our boy was born the small one and I had too much work that I couldn't.
I couldn't concentrate to teenage girl.
[00:25:41] Speaker A: Okay, and what is the relationship of your daughter and your husband?
[00:25:49] Speaker D: Actually, they are both scorpions, so you can imagine they are.
The relationship is. I know they like each other, but they don't behave like that. They are more fighting.
They respect each other, I think. And he. My husband respects that she has different father, because he is in similar situation. So everything goes well. Sometimes my daughter's father is come to visit my daughter come to our house. I can provide him coffee, I can make him coffee. My husband and him, they say hello to each other. How are you? Hello.
No problem.
[00:26:48] Speaker A: That's really great. Because right now you often see the families like that. They just, you know, hate the previous partner and talk badly about them in front of the kids.
[00:27:00] Speaker D: I know, but it's usually something under this, you know, that they are jealous. I think my husband, he doesn't need to be jealous to my previous partner, because he understands the whole story. And.
Okay, maybe the father of my daughter he didn't want. He told me, I don't want that some other guy is father of my daughter.
But he start. He started to respect him.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: But I imagine that this is her. I was talking the other day to my husband and I said, I mean, for me, if. If we should ever break up from it, be really hard to accept that my kids are with another woman, you know, on a daily basis. And because my kids are also small, you know, imagine.
[00:27:51] Speaker D: Yes, I understand. It's the feeling. It's not good, but it's possible.
[00:27:57] Speaker B: It's really great to see that it's possible to make it work, even if it's clearly not always easy.
So that's some inspiration here.
Thanks very much for that. Is there any other message that you would like to pass on to people who are listening?
[00:28:19] Speaker D: I think if.
What I wanted to say that if you are really with someone who feel you don't want to be and you feel that you really pushing your down, just go. Just finished this kind of relationship because there is always chance that your life will be happy and you can. There is a good chance that you find somebody you will feel happy together who will actually pull you up. There is always chance of for better relationship if it's not working and you, you try it because I think you, you can't change anybody. You can, you can change yourself, but you cannot push somebody to change him. You can change yourself and. And see the situation in other way by changing yourself.
And actually you can find out that you don't want to be with the other person.
[00:29:32] Speaker A: I think this is a great message that do what you can to accept it. But if it cannot be accepted, then it's better to separate, probably. But as you have it, with the mutual respect and understanding that it's important for the children too. Keep in touch.
[00:29:53] Speaker D: Exactly. And not fight.
I know in the beginning it's always difficult, but I remember it was hard.
It's over and now I'm happy.
[00:30:12] Speaker A: That's great. I mean, it's a good message for people who are in the similar situation and everybody's happy in the end. You know, it's not because I know that there are many people who stay together for the kids, but from my experience as a child, I must say I often.
[00:30:35] Speaker B: Now I think, oh, if only they.
[00:30:38] Speaker A: Would have gotten divorced, it would have been so much better for everybody, you know? Really?
So some people feel guilty that the parents got divorced because of them, because kids often perceive it this way. But in fact, I feel the opposite. Like I was the reason why they didn't divorce. Everybody suffered in that. So, yeah, it's a tricky question, but it's good to see that it's possible and that it can work very nicely to everybody's satisfaction. It's cool. I think that this is a good message like that. Yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel of every situation, basically, and that the mutual respect of all parts is base for negotiations and setting things up. Okay. Thanks so very much for coming and sharing your very interesting stories.
[00:31:38] Speaker D: I hope it will be worth to somebody.
[00:31:41] Speaker A: Yes, yes. I always say if it's even just one person who takes something out of it, I am happy. And our mission is accomplished. So thanks so much for coming. Have a great day and see you next time.
[00:31:58] Speaker D: Thank you for inviting me again.
[00:32:02] Speaker A: Bye bye.
[00:32:03] Speaker B: Thanks.
[00:32:11] Speaker A: So that went well.
[00:32:14] Speaker B: Thanks for joining us today in interview with you. I hope you enjoyed the time as much as we did and that it brought something positive to your day and to your life. Don't forget to get in touch if you want to be my next guest or if you have anything else you want to share with me. The contact details are in the description of the episode. There is a link to a Facebook post where you can share your thoughts and all the contacts. Do not hesitate to follow the interview with your Facebook page or me on Instagram.
Remember, both Jaska and Joost are spelled with J's, the european quirks, right?
Anyway, go ahead and follow my social media so that you do not miss anything exciting. I look forward to hearing from you and to possibly having the next interview with you.
[00:33:25] Speaker E: Things they will not do time to sleep without a pill way too soon and it's not going to fast summer dropping deck life some are trying to fight the time some will always stay dreaming like you and I, you and I.
